When one of my sons was little, the big concern was about monsters under his bed before he went to sleep. The nightly ritual was as follows. We’d look under the bed together to make sure there was nothing there. When the coast was clear we would say the nighttime Shema and ask God to take away the bad stuff before I turned off the lights and kissed my son's forehead, making sure I’d leave the door open a crack so the light would come into his room; the dark can be scary after all. Fear is a funny thing, which is why I say that the word F.E.A.R. is really an acronym; False Expectations [that] Appear Real. We see that kind of fear in this week's sedra, Parashat Yayishlach, when Jacob is going to encounter his brother after 20 years. A quick recap: Jacob manipulated his brother Esau to take his birthright and deceived their father Isaac to steal Esau's rightful blessing as the first born. After many years Jacob is going to meet Esau and is fearful of what might happen, and while the feelings of fear were real for him, Jacob had no evidence that Esau would actually do anything; hence the power of fear.
We learn in a Midrash (Bereshit Rabbah 75) about Jacob: “You abased yourself and called him ‘my lord’ eight times,” meaning that he cowered before Esau when seeing him. Taking a self-deprecating view, Rashi teaches that when Jacob sent messengers (or angels, depending on how you read it) to assess the temperature of his brother, he did so “in order to find out Esau’s state of mind concerning him.” Rashi further says that Jacob wanted his brother to know that he is not “a prince nor other person of importance but merely a sojourner. It is not worth your while to hate me on account of the blessing of your father who blessed me (27:29).” Jacob said: are you really holding on to something from 20 years ago even though I was wrong? Jacob is so fearful that he believes that his brother will take everything that belongs to him and kill his wives, concubines and his children (cf. Gen. 32:12). Although our tradition came to see Esau and his descendants as enemies of the Jewish people, Rashi calling Esau “wicked,” the written Torah paints a picture of Esau as a brother who is benevolent, a family man who is content with his lot, happy for Jacob’s success, hugging each other when they met, weeping in the joy of their reconnection. Now there are those who say that was a one-sided display of “fraternal affection” with only Esau being “affectionate” whereas Jacob was “impassive.” If that is so then their encounter is insincere and in the backdrop of Jacob's fear. I honestly think that takes away from victory over the said fear that Jacob desired. Let me explain.
We read in the Torah that before meeting his brother, וַיִּירָ֧א יַעֲקֹ֛ב מְאֹ֖ד וַיֵּ֣צֶר ל֑וֹ, Jacob was greatly frightened in his anxiety.” These things that “distressed him” (Ibn Ezra) found Jacob making fear based choices that gripped him. As a result Jacob found himself wrestling all night with the angel, which is symbolic of him coming face to face with his fear, attempting to overcome it. When the brothers finally meet it says that Esau was excited to meet his nieces and nephews with their mothers; you know the ones Jacob thought his brother would kill? Maybe as the Sforno teaches, when Esau saw Jacob, “his attitude changed suddenly when he realized to what extent Yaakov had humbled himself before him.” In the end, we find the first two-state solution. Esau and Jacob agree to stay in touch and bless each other but recognize they each need their own land for their families and descendants (cf. Gen. 33:15ff). Esau settled in what is the Negev today and Jacob in Shechem that today is the central West Bank. So although fear guided Jacob's choices, in the end, all was right in their family. Jacob looked back and perhaps said to himself, “what was I thinking,” as a small smile came across his face as he shook his head, feeling a sense of relief, and maybe even a little embarrassed. Jacob allowed his fear to own him, he allowed the fear to direct his sense of right and wrong, but in the end his fear drove him to wrestle with it. Fear is a powerful thing that just doesn't vanish and must be faced head on. In Jacob’s case his fear was an acronym: False Expectations [that] Appear Real. He was fortunate.
Not every story, unfortunately, turns out to be imagined. The fear of October 7th is palatable for us Jews and our communities, not only because it happened but based on the words from Hamas it could happen again. It is fearful to learn that a New York City teacher who attended a pro-Israel rally had to lock herself in her class room from Anti-Israel pro-Palestinian students, or that here in Dallas Anti-Israel Palestinian groups and Neo-Nazis protested outside one of our synagogues. Likewise, Islamophobia is also on the rise, as three young men visiting Vermont for Thanksgiving from the West Back were shot while walking down the street. There are parents and families in Israel and abroad who lived in fear at the fate of their loved ones, who now celebrate their return while others cannot fully celebrate, living with the fear of not knowing or worse. Jacob was lucky, his fear was imagined, but fear is not always going to monsters under our bed. Jacob reminds us that the power of fear must be overcome, something that happens when we face it, not just alone, but together. Psalm 27 reminds us: fear is powerful but it does not own us.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Adam Ruditsky
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